


Judge Me Not

by Swankyo0



Series: HeadCanon Accepted [4]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/M, M/M, Post-Series, Slow Build, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-28 21:58:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17795492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swankyo0/pseuds/Swankyo0
Summary: John never sees it coming.





	Judge Me Not

**Author's Note:**

> So, the title is from a song. It's not *really* a relevant song but it's called Oblivious by a band named From Atlantis. It's not a song I know, just what I found when I searched songs about being oblivious in search of a bad lyrics title to use.
> 
> Listen to the song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvGP21c0vOc

John never sees it coming. Rodney knows this. He’s seen it a hundred times- they arrive on a new planet. The priestess or chieftain's daughter or political representative or any red blooded female person they interact with flirts with John. John is friendly back, trying to project an air of trustworthiness and harmlessness. And that’s what it is- friendliness. John never realizes he’s flirting. With anyone. Even the men.

Pegasus has a strange, conflicting stance on homosexuality. On some planets it’s strictly forbidden. On others it’s viewed as normal, acceptable, but not prefered. On one planet everyone was in a homosexual relationship, only engaging in hetersexual relations for reproduction purposes. It’s a lot to keep up with. The Archeologist say it’s something to do with shorter life spans and constant depletion of populations because of the Wraith. Rodney wouldn’t put the weight of a Navietan prairie mouse behind anything those quacks say.

Still, man or woman, subtle or not, John never sees it coming. They flirt, he’s friendly and next thing he knows he’s being kissed or pulled down onto a bed or someone’s grabbing his ass in public like some kind of claim staked. Once, John didn’t realize what was happening until the collar was almost in place. They sent Lorne’s team for follow-ups on that planet. 

And it’s not that Rodney blames him for taking the offers. John’s not in a relationship, he’s got no reason not to take every one night stand that comes his way. And that’s always all it is, a one time thing. John never sees the same person twice. Except that glowing floozy. Rodney tries not to think about that too often. He always fails, but he tries. 

So Rodney’s not mad about John’s extremely active sex life. He might be just a tiny bit jealous. Even Rodney can admit that he’s not the best at controlling his emotions, and when it comes to John it’s always been a losing battle because John may never see it coming but Rodney sees it clear as day. Everyone else can see it, too.

John and Rodney, Rodney and John. The dream team, inseparable, better together. Everyone can see it, except John. Because John _never_ sees it coming.

Rodney tries to be as obvious as he can. Everyone on Atlantis may be a little indulgent but you never know where the brass stands on DADT, so Rodney never comes right out and asks. Never pulls John into an abandoned lab and kisses him senseless. Never grabs his hand on the way back to the gate after a successful mission. Never shows up in John’s bed naked and waiting. 

Rodney knows John wants him to, though. Everyone knows John wants Rodney to. Even John knows he wants Rodney to. But John _never_ sees these things coming, so John doesn’t know that _Rodney wants to_. And because Rodney can’t be any more obvious- can’t rant more about John’s terrible taste in partners, can’t smile more when John says something mathy, can’t give more than a friendly clap on the shoulder after another close call or a quick smack on the arm after a prank or joke- because Rodney _can’t_ be any more obvious, getting John to see is pretty much an uphill battle. In loose dirt. In a downpour. 

So Rodney stops trying. He moves on, he starts looking elsewhere, he dates Katie Brown. She’s not John, but she’s nice and she’s interested, so Rodney tries. He takes her to one of the weekly movie nights, some inane drivel that passes for comedy these days. 

And, of course, John is there. Sitting right behind Katie. Rodney can see him out of the corner of his eye as John leans forward, bracing his arms on his knees to see better. And, of course, John’s laughing at all the wrong times, muttering little quips about how terrible the movie is to Ronon next to him. Rodney can’t help but think that it should be him muttering with John about how terrible the movie is. Ronon’s amused grunts just don’t have the same effect on John’s braying laugh as one of Rodney’s rants.

As far as an exercise in moving on from his desire for John goes the night is a complete failure. Rodney still walks Katie to her room. Still leans in for a quick kiss on the cheek. Still asks if she will see him again. Getting over someone like John is a process and, not having any real experience in getting over a John, it’s an experiment for Rodney, really. He needs more data.

He keeps taking Katie out. He keeps wishing he was in a ‘jumper with John, or on the pier with John, or racing rc cars with John, even eating the purple not-really potatoes and the orange fleshed not-really pork with John. It’ll get easier, Rodney thinks, with every passing day, every day spent with Katie, or thinking about Katie, or talking about Katie. With John.

It doesn’t get easier. In the end, that’s what stops Rodney from proposing. He could have built a life with her, he’s certain of that, but he would always think of her as his Not-John. Rodney deserved more than a Not-John. So Rodney decided not to marry Katie Brown, be he knew he couldn’t go back to trying to show John what they could be.

Eventually, Rodney found Jennifer. Kind, intelligent, stubborn Jennifer. Jennifer was not just a replacement for John. To Rodney, Jennifer was a person who he could fall for in her own right. Not just an attempt at getting over John but a reason to get over John. 

John had never really liked her, especially not after the parasite. But John never saw it coming, wouldn’t see them coming and Rodney could see himself waking up to Jennifer every morning, falling asleep with her each night. Rodney could see them with a cat. Rodney had hoped that they could become John and Teyla and Ronon and Rodney and Jennifer. They could have kids, Rodney could see them having kids. 

Rodney probably should have taken a look at where they would raise those kids. It never once occurred to him that they would have to leave Atlantis for this little fantasy. Leaving Atlantis was just- it wasn’t anything. Leaving Atlantis, leaving John and Teyla and Ronon would never be a thing- nothing Rodney could do anyway. 

It was over after that realization. Rodney wasn’t going to get married and buy a quaint little house in the suburbs with 2.5 kids and a cat. Rodney couldn’t. Rodney couldn’t leave his life behind. He’d die in Pegasus, he realized. He’d die in Pegasus, weather from Wraith or Replicators or Atlantis herself, Rodney would _die_ in Pegasus and John would be there with him when he did. 

Rodney stopped trying to get over John at that point. Maybe John would never see how much Rodney wanted him but Rodney couldn’t fool himself anymore. John was it for Rodney. Friends or lovers, it didn’t matter, really, Rodney was never going to want anyone but John. 

He told John, in as much as he could. Jennifer asked him to stay on Earth, Rodney couldn’t leave his life, his family and home and _best friend_. John just clapped him on the shoulder and muttered something about being sorry Rodney and Jennifer didn’t work out. The sympathy didn’t reach John’s eyes. Rodney just managed to keep his resigned sigh to himself. It was obvious to Rodney now- John would never see this coming.

After that realization, Rodney really didn’t see it coming. It was a typical night on the pier after a typical mission- not a milk-run but the arrows didn’t graze that close to them and the sacred ritual didn’t involve nudity or blood. All in all, it was a win. Rodney was ready for the usual couple of beers and fond but distant good nights before trudging off to bed. Alone. Again.

So he really didn’t see it coming. John wasn’t acting any different than any other night. His smile was the same, genuine but held back. He tossed his head back the same way when he laughed, exposing the delicate line of his throat and jutting Adam’s apple that frequently showed up in Rodney’s dreams. He sat the same two fingers distance away from Rodney, legs dangling over the edge of the pier, occasionally bumping knees together. Just like every other night. 

Then suddenly, it wasn’t the same as any other night at all. Suddenly, John’s warm, broad hand made its way to Rodney’s thigh. Rodney watched, fascinated, as John’s tumb traced an easy circle on the outside of his knee. Then there was pressure and Rodney felt a growing warmth near his shoulder and snapped his eyes up to John’s face. John’s face that was so close Rodney could feel his breath against his lips. 

Rodney really didn’t see it coming- the way John’s lips felt against his, soft but slightly chapped. The way John’s breath huffed out across Rodney’s cheek. The little hitching noise John made when Rodney parted his lips and deepened the kiss. Rodney didn’t see any of that coming.

They pulled apart slowly, each darting back in once, twice, each taking a deep breath, eyes locked. Rodney opened his mouth to ask ‘why’, to huff an annoyed ‘finally’, to say anything except, “I really did not see that coming”.

John laughed. Not the braying happy sound that showed up in Rodney’s dreams as often as John’s throat, but a self deprecating little snort. “Thought I was pretty obvious, really.”

“Oh, you were. You’ve been obvious, and oblivious, for five years,” John blushed and Rodney steamed ahead “But- but why? Why, of all nights, this perfectly normal, absolutely typical night? Of all the times you could have caught a clue- when I was seething with jealousy over that ascended hussy! Nothing! I saved every cool piece of tech for you to initialize! I came to you every night when that-”

John cut his rant short. He always changed the subject when the parasite came up. It was more than a year ago and it looked like John would never get over that particular close call. “I didn’t know, Rodney.”

“How did you not know? Everyone knew!” John blushed again, the tips of his ear a deep, dark red. 

“Yeah, I kinda figured that out.” Rodney opened his mouth to start another rant about John’s intellect, but John leaned in and captured his lips again. “I _did_ figure it out eventually, though.”

“Six years! It took you six years to figure it out!”

“I never see this kinda thing coming, Rodney. You know that.” John reached one hand up and scratched the back of his head. “But, I, uh, this isn’t like all the other times, ok?”

Rodney rolled his eyes. “That’s the closest to a love confession you’ll ever come, isn’t it.” John blushed again, and at this point his ears were going to spontaneously combust. “Well, so you know, this _isn’t_ like all the other times and if there is ever even one floozy-”

John cut Rodney short with a kiss again. When he had his breath back, Rodney continued, “Yeah, well. This isn’t like any others for me either.”

John’s smile was quick and bright, nothing reserved this time. Rodney’s answering smile was small but heartfelt. John started chuckling, laughs building in intensity quickly.

“Oh god,” John gasped between guffaws. “ _I never see this coming_.”

Rodney reached out and grabbed a hold of John's hand between them as his laughs die down and smiled at him. 

“Yeah. I know.”


End file.
